Pokemon: Wishmaster
by Shadowmaggot323
Summary: Pikachu is an electric mouse pokemon, a pocket monster that resides in Kanto in the fictional world of Pokemon. Jeannie is a genie, forced to grant every wish of her master Captain/Major Tony Nelson, an Astronaut. The two had hit a rough patch. How are these two related? How are they brought together into one "comedy". Click to find out.


The sky darkened. Thunder rumbled. The wind shrieked through plains of Route 17, bikers cowering under rest areas. Lightning bolted from cloud to cloud, merging into one before cleaving the sky, the Wheezing's call lost to Pikachu's, cheeks pure white. As they died, so did the storm, clearing to its once beautiful blue, the sun high.

"G...Gaston," The biker said, rushing to his wheezing, a blackened blob flopped on the street.

"Yes," Ash exclaimed, turning his hat back around. "I win."

"You... you killed Gaston."

"Yeah, yeah. Just give me the money. Fair and all."

"Ash, don't you think you are being too h-" Misty began.

"Ah, shut up. All you do is complain. Now, Pikachu, in the ball you go."

"Ash, you know Pikachu hates-"

"I said shut up. Brock, put the ball-gag back on her... Brock? Brock!"

"He left with Officer Jenny. One finally took pity on him."

"... Doesn't Officer Jack patrol this route?"

"Yeah... he does."

"... In the ball Pikachu. Don't try to r- Arceusdammit. Get back here, your furry little yellow tampon!"

Time and again, Pikachu was able to avoid the pokelazer for the pokeball, but poketime always catches up to any pokemon. However, before the pokelazer hit, a rock was kicked up and got caught in the pokestream, as well. The pokeball beeped and smoked until it simply shattered, Pikachu simply gone. The rock, poor soul, was singed, smoking on the grass.

"Now you see what you've done, Ash," Misty said, sighing. "You most likely lost Pikachu for good."

"What have I done?" Ash exclaimed, sniffling. "I lost my trump car- my best friend. This is worse than Pokemon 3: The Movie. Why did we ever sign up to do that? Why?"

"Now, now, Ash. It's not so bad. Could be worse. You could have tried to explain the plot to Pokemon: The First Movie."

"Oh, Arceus no. The fact I was healed through the power of love when stoned from cataclysmic energies that should have torn me at an atom level- I mean, Pikachu! PIIIKAAACHU!"

Misty caressed his back, leading him to the treeline... and beyond.

"There, there Ash. He will be back. Let's calm down."

"Uh, Misty... aren't we, you know-"

"We're 26, for fuck's sake, and you never complained when it was you and Brock. What's the matter? Afraid of little old me? Let's shine them pokeballs and play that pokeflute so the onyx can enter my cloister."

"Then I... I can... squirtle all over your jiggly-"

"Don't ruin the moment."

**Meanwhile**

"I'm sorry for screwing up your date, Master," Jeannie said, pursing her lip. "I thought you said you wanted a 12-inch pianist, and how was I to know you simply wanted her unconscious? You said 'love drug'."

Tony didn't even bother to argue, sending her to the lamp. He stormed across the room, replacing it with a bottle of vodka, and closed the alcohol stores. A woman moaned as he entered another room, giggling turned to screaming as glass shattered, blood spattering the cabinet door. Jeannie sighed, sitting on her satin and plush-infested bed, grimacing.

"That dick should have known better. Date-rape? Really? If he wanted laid so bad, I could have helped him. It's like he forgets I'm an actual woman when out of the bottle. The amount of times I heard him-"

She shrieked, leaping to the far side of the lamp, knocking over her desk along the way. Pikachu groaned, his fur covered in soot, staining the pink carpeting, and shook, staining the pink bed, dressers, lamps, walls, lights, couch, desk, and chair, as well. Oh, and of course Jeannie. She blinked her eyes, coughing out soot, and waved her hand, activating that annoying sound and cleaning it all up.

"My, you're a strange one," She said, approaching Pikachu. "How did you get here?"

Pikachu began pika'ing, pika'splaining the pika'tuation, until Jeannie waved her hand.

"Hold on," Another musical sting. "There. Now you should be able to speak."

"I was already sp- holy cow, I can speak human," Pikachu said, his voice grating and gravelly and squeaky. "This is so amazing. Now that meowth has nothing on me. Fuck yeah."

"Er, hold on again," Musical sting, again. "Try again."

"Where does that music keep... wow. That's a big difference. I sound deeper than brock."

"I modeled your new voice to be like Elvis."

"Who's that?"

"Famous rock singer."

"What's rock?"

"A genre of music?"

"You mean like what Jigglypuff sings, or the Pokeflute?"

"What are those? Where are you from?"

"I'm from Kanto, where my... friend... acquaintances are."

"Your Japanese. You don't look slant-eyed."

"Whoa! Hey. That's offensive. If Brock were here... well, he'd probably try to have fun with them bazongas."

"Oh, these old things?"

"Old? You're younger than him."

"I highly doubt that."

"Well, he's in his... 40's? 50's? Time moves differently in Kanto."

"I'm afraid I'm much older. I'm two-thousand years young."

"What? No way."

"I'm a genie. We don't age. We are bound to these fucking bottles until some charitable soul frees us... or we get them drunk enough."

"What's a genie?"

"You don't know? We are a spirit in a bottle that, if rubbed right... ooh... that sounds good right now."

"What?"

"Never- never mind. When you rub the... bottle... we come... come out. The person who r... who did so gets three wishes... unless they are like my recent ass, who made it able to have as many wishes as he wants by always saying it's not what he wanted. Well, if your wish is to pilfer young girls-"

"Ooh. You can grant that, too. Brock would love you."

"At this moment, I could use him. Allah, I haven't been filled in a long time."

"Filled? Oh. You mean what Brock, Misty, and Ash-"

"Oh, Allah. That sounds heavenly right now. You know, usually when a master gets me, they use me to know end. Even if they are female, but this asshole only uses me for his selfish needs. Thought he was gay for the longest time, but no. Instead, he keeps me corked up here most of the fucking time."

"Arceus, wow. Really? You rarely get out of here. I am so glad my... master allows me to be outside of my ball most of the time. 'Pokecized into data' my pokeass. We get squished in there."

"Sounds like hell. Why do they do that? Are there more of you?"

"Tons more, and for some reason they are always finding more each year, and the world keeps getting bigger."

"That is weird. Kanto isn't that b-"

"Well, there's Johto, too."

"Oh?"

"And Hoen, and Sinnoh... a few other places."

"And they are just finding them? Wow. Didn't know nuking the Japs set them that far back."

"Wait, what? What are you talking about? Nuking?"

"Yeah. In World War Two-"

"Never heard of it."

"Really? Wow... so what are you?"

"I'm a pokemon. A pocket monster."

"You're no monster. You're too cute and squishy and huggable. I just want to pick you up and squeeze those cheeks."

"I wouldn't. I can shock you good."

"Hmm... vibe..."

"Huh?"

"N-nothing. So you can control electricity?"

"That's right. I'm Pikachu, the electric mouse."

"And there are multiple Pickachus in Kanto."

"There are, but they tend to be shy, and for good reason! I wouldn't want to be stuffed in a tiny ball either, but that Oak bastard-"

"Jeannie," Toni boomed, the bottle quaking. "Get your fat ass out here."

"Duty calls. I'll be right back."

The music stung again, and Jeannie was before her master again, covered in blood. A shovel draped across his shoulders, a bucket of lye swinging back and forth. He licked his lips and spat, hitting the spittoon beside the coffee table. Before she could speak, he simply turned around and walked away, looking behind at the entrance. Sirens blared outside of the classic two-story, guns gleaming with the final rays of the sun.

"You know what to do," He grumbled, waiting for the music sting before turning around, throwing down the shovel and lye. "Clean me up."

She nodded, and he was spotless, smirking. He sauntered up to her and grabbed her rump, making her gag-

"What do you mean, 'making you gag'," He exclaimed, slapping her. "I treat you well, don't I?"

"Y-yes, master. The narrator was confused. It didn't make me want to gag, but want to gag around your huge-"

"Not in the mood. Get back in the bottle."

"But, master-"

"Now, but first make me a scotch and gin."

"...Yes, master..."

"That's your 'master'," Pikachu exclaimed. "And I thought Ash was bad. Arceus above..."

"He was once a sweet guy, but that wore off. Can't blame him. When you have an over-bearing **narrator** and an annoying musical flourish any time you do something..."

"I asked about that."

"Yeah. That's not normal. Trust me. Didn't happen until I met Tony."

"No doubt, and I agree on that narrator. Like, hello. Trying to train and fight here. Don't need to tell me that I'm failing like a bitch."

"If Tony had two brain cells to rub together, he would have wished away the sound effect and the narrator, but no. Always 'do this' and 'give that' and 'clean this', and never what I want to clean so bad."

"Man, is that all your mind can think of?"

"When you haven't had any in over 200 years, we can talk."

"So, although it was awesome meeting and talking, is there any way you can send me home?"

"...Well... I could if you wished it, but you would have to be my master- wait... I've got it."

"What?"

"You'll see. We simply have to wait for the drunk to call upon us again..."

"...Jeannie," Tony bellowed, grabbing the bottle. "Jeannie. Get out here, you slut. I needs another wish, and so help me if you don't get it right this time... Jeannie? Jeannie!"

"I'm sorry, master, but it seems I am stuck," She said. "Could you rub the lamp?"

"Whatever. Maybe if you didn't let your ass get so fat, you could still fit out no pro- what the fuck is that?"

"Name's Pikachu, motherfucker."

The light filled with light before going dark. Tony laid on the ground, his bones smoldering and cracking, his flesh burnt to ashes. Pikachu grabbed the lamp and gave it a good rub, and Jeannie came out without a musical flourish. She kissed pikachu, laughing.

"I'm free. At last, I'm free of that bastard. You are the best."

"No sweat. Now, ready to answer my wishes?"

"As you wish, 'master'."

"Great. Wish one: return me to Kanto... **MY **Kanto."

She nodded, and smoke shrouded, Route 17 waiting as it cleared. Ash's cap hung from the tree, Misty's yellow tank dangling on a bush. Moans and gasps and squelches were heavy on the air, a pokecrowd gathered around the two. Brock was curled up on a bench nearby, his face streaked with makeup.

"Yo, Ash. Misty. Brock. I'm back," Pikachu boomed, lightning crashing around.

The pokecrowd dispersed, Misty and Ash diving for their clothes. Brock didn't move from the bench, simply waving, sniffling. Jeannie sauntered over to him, easing his head onto her lap and shushing as Pikachu waited for Ash and Misty, stomping over. Misty... you still have a bit of Ash's... on your lip.

"Oh," She exclaimed, wiping it off. "Thanks, narrator."

Don't mention it.

"Pikachu," Ash said, his smile wavering. "You're back. It's so great to see y- wait. Can you talk? I mean, human talk?"

"Hell yeah, I can. It's thanks to that fine vixen over there, Jeannie. She's a genie. Can grant wishes and shit."

"Wishes huh?" Misty said. "Can she make my chest bigger?"

"Why would you want that?" Ash exclaimed. "I like your tatas just the way they are."

"Boy?"

"Bite-sized."

"Yeah. Whatever," Pikachu said. "Anyways, I am here to tell you that you are no longer my master. As of today, I'm my own man. Because... Wish Two: make me human, but let me keep my electricity powers."

Jeannie nodded, and lightning struck Pikachu, bathing the area in white. When it cleared, Pikachu was now Pikaman, his yellow fur reduced to a blond ponytail, running like a bolt down his back, and a seude yellow jacket-pant ensemble, three black leather belts running around its middle. His whiskers became scars, jagged on his cheeks, warm and inviting. He grunted, and lightning snapped on his hands, stopping an inch from Ash's nose. He huffed, and tapped his nose, sending him flying into the woods.

He walked over to Jeannie, taking her hand.

"What do you say, babe? Want to travel the world?"

"Sure, but what about your third wish?"

"That one is easy," He picked her up, kissing her deep. "I wish we were both immortal, you kept your powers, AND you were free of your binding."

"Isn't that technically three wishes."

"Nope. Compound wish. Hell, you can make ole sugar tits over there the replacement genie. She'd love the extra chest, plus always more fun with three."

She nodded, and Misty disappeared in a flash of pink smoke, her fists knocking on the glass bottle. As the sun set, the two shared a long kiss, Jeannie reaching lower as her breath turn-

She groaned. "Allah dammit. I'm not dealing with that anymore."

She rubbed the bottle, and Misty appeared in another flush of pink, her old wader-shorts and tank top given up to a sequin azure Arabian set.

"What is your wish, master?"

"I wish the narrator was gone."

No. Wait. Don't. N


End file.
